Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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