I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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