The maid of honor just puked.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
