Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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