I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
dude. I can hear the air.
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