its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
