dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
