Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
