i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
