You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
40s are totally the cure
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
