there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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