I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
