She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
