He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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