Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
