I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize