did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
