wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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