I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
