you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
