one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
