if you like me you must not know who I am
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
