Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize