I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
