apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
