i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
