my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
