I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize