I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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