i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
