Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
