Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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