there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
