i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize