Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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