Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
