look no pants
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
