Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
