but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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