Screwed.edu
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
