then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
