I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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