my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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