call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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