Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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