so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
