I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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