i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
