You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
