After last night, I could never be a politician.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
