I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
