I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
