I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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