I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish i was in the wii world.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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