haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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