You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
