I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
