it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
