weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
