I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
