i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
