I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
