um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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