she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Help. Why am I so naked?
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