she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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