who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She announced her abortion via fbk
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
