She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize