yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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