guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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