How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
