Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize