Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
