Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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