You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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