Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You smell like stripper and shame
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
