is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
