in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
