Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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