I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
