if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
