Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize