then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
