and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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