I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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