i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
