He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
