Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
