guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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