I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
