Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
