i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
