and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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