she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
