dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
