our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
