I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize