I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
