so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
