I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
