you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
