I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
