connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
