i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize