i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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