This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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