I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize