dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
