i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
