Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
