Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
