we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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