I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
